new year's resolutions in fall...i always do like to do things a bit differently.

well, i have decided that it is time for things to change a bit with me. i have noted various improvements that need to be made in order for me to be a happier and more successful version of myself, and with my goal being eternal progression, i think it important to invest in said improvements.

first off, i have known for a long time that i have a real problem with talking badly about people that i don't particularly fancy. i have a polished talent for finding flaws, regardless of their minuteness, and then capitalizing on them to an exponential degree. i can, if i allow myself to, find multiple reasons and factors as to why i would never want to associate with a particular person, even if there was really nothing wrong with them other than the fact that they irked me because maybe i was in an especially snarky mood at the time of our encounter. it may be to no real fault of their own, or sometimes, it may be because they really aren't such a nice person themselves, but either way, it is quite critical of me to spout of such flash judgements on them, thus condemning them before i allow myself to even get to know them. lately, i've been spending more time studying the scriptures and really delving into them, rather than just reading the words and occasionally marking the obligatory command phrases or lessons. i've really been trying to focus on learning from the scriptures, rather than just going through the motions so as to follow the spirit of the law instead of just following the letter of it. it didn't take much of this study before i started to be inspired to change; i daresay i was even chastised because of my behavior to the point of self-shame immediately followed with an urgent need to rectify my wrong-doings and improve my attitude and actions in the future. and then, the real clincher came to me last night as i was reading in the Book of Mormon before i went to sleep. i decided to read alma chapter 5 in hopes of finding some answers to questions that i had (more on the topic of life-decision-type questions, rather than what i actually found), because President Cottrall (the mission president here in the NCRM) said in a recent talk that "all answers can be found in the Book of Mormon, if not by the words on the pages, then by the Spirit that will manifest itself through the studying of that Book." well, as i was reading the words of Alma to the people of Zarahemla, among very serious cries of repentance to the people for some very grievous sins, was this plea:

"And again I say unto you, is there one among you that doth make a mock of his brother, or that heapeth upon him persecutions? Wo unto such an one, for he is not prepared, and the time is at hand that he must repent or he cannot be saved! Yea, even wo unto all ye workers of iniquity; repent, repent, for the Lord God hath spoken it!"

there isn't much mincing of words here, so as you can imagine, it cut through to my soul and i decided even more resolutely that my goal for right now is to teach myself how to speak more kindly of those around me. it's a funny concept, actually, because i'm always the tender-heart as far as wanting to help those in need, wanting to save an animal, wanting to make things better for others regardless of the magnitude of the sacrifice involved to do so...and yet, i neglected to realize that i was abandoning my own responsibilities of goodwill on the most elementary level. simple things like biting my tongue when there's a driver in front of me going much slower than my preferred speed, or not making a joke about the guy walking in front of me wearing pink crocs with a mullet and a chomo mustache, or instead of letting myself be annoyed with the very excitable and overly-bubbly lady at church, looking at why she's so happy and appreciating that. it's a very basic level of humanity, and yet, it's the one that i've most heinously deserted. so that is my resolution numero uno: speak kind words and have a more positive and uplifting outlook and attitude.

secondly, i've allowed myself to totally neglect any responsibility i have to live a physically healthy life. i have completely surrendered to the enticing complex carbohydrates that do so easily beset me. and not only have i indulged in those "oh, i should really only eat this once in a blue moon" type of foods on a quite regular basis, but i have completely marooned any attempt or impulse to go to the gym or engage in physical activity that may induce sweat to any degree. i'm tired of it! after scarfing down that cold lo mein from last night's chinese dinner, i'm left with oil smudges on my lips and less energy than it takes to pull the sock off my foot. quite the sad picture, if i do say so myself. so it's time for a change, and that's for sure. perhaps i'll follow president obama's slogan of "yes, we can" and just put it into "yes, i can....put down that bucket of cotton-candy and the half-melted snickers bar, and instead, give those new jogging shoes a run for their money." it's worth a shot, right? another one of my little justifications is that "oh, i haven't eaten all day so i have the extra calories to use for dinner," but, right off the bat, that's not a real healthy way of thinking...and also, generally those calories for dinner seem to also cover "extra" calories for nighttime snacking on candies, sodas, and then, of course, the midnight snack. riiiiight, it doesn't actually work like that, but once i've got it in my mind, i convince myself rather quickly that it's fine....no worries...hakuna matata. all the while i'm actually becoming that much closer to having the figure of pumbaa, rather than just taking on his care-free motto. and thus we are brought to resolution number two: begin eating healthy foods, regardless of previous daily caloric intake; also, exercise whether it's at the gym or by going for a walk down to the lake, and the topper....lose at least 20 lbs. by january 2010.

as for other resolutions, i have many. for instance, continue practicing my french. someday, i will be able to parler with the best of them. also, get back to my writings; it's something that i'm talented with and that i thoroughly enjoy and so there is no reason as to why i'm not spending more time writing and less time vegging out on the couch. i have countless renovations to be made before i reach my final product state...but i'm working on it, all the while. to quote "the darjeeling limited"--

francis: i guess i've still got a lot of healing to do.
jack: gettin there, though.
peter: anyway, it's definitely going to add a lot of character to you.

so the way i see it, by this end of this all...after all my shortcomings, failures, offenses, heartbreaks, etcetera...my character will be stellar...i might even be to the point of movin' on up to the eastside....dare i say it?? yes, i dare...to a deluxe apartment in the sky. :)