Let those that love us, love us. And those that don't, may God turn their hearts. And, if He cannot turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles so we may know them by their limping!
i love it! it's compassionate, yet real...and has a bit of an edge....so, it's much like me! i decided to look up this old blessing today in response to a mini-anxiety attack (well...not really an anxiety attack, but more like being in an irked state for a good part of the afternoon). i really couldn't understand why i was so irritated, other than the fact that i felt like my business should remain mine and no one else's...despite the fact that i practically broadcasted it over a public forum (yes, since then i have come to realize that it was really my big-mouthed, open-book habits that landed me in the pickling jar [i believe i prefer this to "being in a pickle," per sé] in the first place). at this point i am fine, but just a wee few hours ago...i was in that "don't poke the bear" kind of mindset.
and that brings us to why i love this blogging realm oh-so-much. there is that certain je ne sais quoi about it....that slight edge of anonymity--so i guess it's not so much a je ne sais quoi as it is a je sais quoi exactement. it enables me to be quite candid about emotions, events, personally-held sentiments, insights, and just all around general randomness and goofy-footed (or should it be goofy-handed? goofy-minded?) writings and wonderings from my somewhat whimsical, capricious, and temerarious paths of thought. did i just get a bit conceited? perhaps, but you'll never judge me, not face to face or in a real-life situation, because, again, the beauty of blogging....a certain bit of anonymity, thus protecting my personal and social assets.
okay, on to my real subject (disclaimer: again, i must warn you that this is a completely random blog entry...as most of mine are, and so you will be brought from one cockamamie thought process of mine to another cockamamie thought process without much warning or foreshadowing...please allow this to be duly noted). i wish that it was possible to live a completely public life without any of the consequences that come with the arena of social interaction. no spectacles, no gossip, no proverbial (and definitely no literal) stabbing one another in the back--you starting to see the picture i'm painting? i certainly hope you are because if not, i'm heading right back to mr. a.c. moore and returning those cheap acrylics. alas, i digress...my question is this: why is it so against human nature to have an intrinsic happiness and joy for one another when events deem said sentiment to be the appropriate reaction?
this is not to say that i am not happy for others when i find out that they're engaged, or just landed that awesome new job at the New York Times, or that they just found out that they're having baby #2, or that they decided they wanted to move to paris so they just up and went and are now living in a flat on the Seine. no, i'm happy for them....but can't help but have a bit of twinge in my heart of hearts immediately followed by the ever-so-present and quite popular inquiry of: "why not me?" you know what i'm talking about; we've all felt it before, and let's be honest, we'll all feel it again. you are genuinely happy for your friend's new promotion or increase....but the happiness is incomplete due to the difficulty you're having at deserting your quandaries as to why all the good stuff is hitting everyone around you, but missing the bullseye (you being the bullseye...i really hope that was an unnecessary explanation, for your sake, mate). it's human nature to want to progress and to have that unrelenting desire to reach those goals...the goals that we all have, whether you've acknowledged them or not. and so this spirals into the inevitable self-interrogation...you know, "what am i doing wrong?" you systematically go down the list of the "correct" steps to getting to pitstop a, layover b, and finally, your final destination (let's hope that it's not somewhere like memphis or fargo or anchorage...or, and this is the worst of them all, los angeles). and as you go down your little interview questions in your self-evaluation, you realize that you've passed them all with flying colors. your responses were golden and gleaming enough to get you on BBC world report (congrats, you've managed to bypass FOX news...nicely done) as a special news breaking story. so why are you still stuck living in a house with ants crawling on your counters (despite your immaculate housekeeping skills), living with your family because you're the last single one left, driving a car that you hate that incessantly ticks and gyrates anytime you break the hair-raising speed of 45 mph, and having to go to work only to spend your day in a tiny cubicle on the floor of the office building that persistently and poignantly smells of curry? day after day you do your duties faithfully and not only are you consistent with success on the obligatory tasks of daily life, but you continually make concerted efforts to become smarter, fitter, more well-versed, kinder, more frugal, more thankful, more charitable....more, more, more. and finally you reach your breaking point when laurel (really....who picks the name "laurel?" why would anyone do that...it's right up there with "brit" and "mindy") comes up to you at the monthly church social wearing her perfectly ironed khaki pants, with a pink-striped shirt with matching hair ribbon and shoes (of course), and the prescribed [and boring] pearl necklace (always a requisite for those types) so perky and bubbly that tinker bell dust seems to rise in little puffs off her shoulders with every step she takes in her (what seems to you as the walk of dread) trip to "socialize" with you. and once little miss ivory-towered pedestal finally gets to your table in the corner (and successfully breaches your "personal space" parameters...as those kinds always do), she gives a great big condescending and genuinely passive-aggressive smile which highlights her recently bleached choppers because of the bright pink frame her outdated clinique lipstick provides. and then she hits you with her happy little chirpy updates. "well," and you go ahead and prepare yourself for daunting laughs to come billowing out of her great, big, gaping mouth only to be interrupted with more high-pitched tweets of bragging, "i have biiiig news!!!" here it comes...brace yourself...wait for it, wait for it...."joseph just got the big promotion to CEO!" to which you respond...mentally of course, "oh, from his already boocoo paying job? good for you guys....so another trip to jamaica and the barbados without the kiddos, eh?" and bam! shot to the heart, and you're to blame, miss gap flat-front khakis. but no, it's not over...the attack is still in full blow "and it couldn't have come a minute too soon....we're having another baby!!! we've decided on the name 'monson fielding.'" really? i mean....really?? good, great, grand, wonderful! meanwhile...you're sitting there wishing you were pregnant with baby number 1, but the fact that you're not doesn't seem to throw a monkey-wrench in your competitive-eating-style devouring of food. "another bit of fried cheesecake with fudge sauce on top? oh yeah!!!" and you're wondering, as you scarf down another helping of macaroni and cheese with a side of extra queso, how you're going to manage to pay your car insurance this month and if you'll be able to convince the phone company to push back your payment date so that your mobile doesn't get extinguished yet again. so you sit there, absolutely and categorically gobsmacked...until you feel a bit of drool hit your cleavage to revive you from your food coma after your darling encounter with laurel.
so what is it? why do good things always seem to happen to all those lunatics around you, but they seem to skim over your head....only close enough to leave an oily residue on your hands from attempting to jump up and grab them just to be disappointed yet again. well, i think that there are multiple facets to these situations and i'll tell you what they are, in my opinion, anyways. i think that many times, the laurels and josephs of the world make things appear so absolutely wonderful....like their lives are oozing exuberance and moonbeams with little bits of diamonds expertly cut by unicorns in the mystical fields of utopia. or sometimes, it's not them making it seem that way, as much as it is us painting those whimsical details into the scenario in the aftermath of their stories residing in our own hearts and heads. but either way it happens, the real fact of the matter is that no one's life is really that full of idealistic dreams come to life...not without difficulties where sometimes the oozing of exuberance trades out for the oozing of something less glittery and more green and gooey. if mr. and mrs. perfect are always making the most convincing portrayal of quintessential merriment, than you'd do better to feel sorry for them rather than to envy them, because chances are....the harder they try to tell their story of pseudo-success, the more they're having to convince themselves of it, too. oh, joseph got another job promotion....here's the side you don't see: he's never home, he's more involved with his work than he is with his wife and kids, his office cronies know him better than the woman he sleeps next to every night...or even worse...his gorgeous new secretary does. and they're on baby number 89...great...so more dirty diapers, less personal times, no more fun, spur of the moment trips, no spontaneous passion before billy, bobby, suzy, and the other munchkins hit the hay, more laundry than they'll ever be able to get through, more strains of family finance, the list goes on. and awesome...they got that amazing house in paris....so they'll be away from their home, their family, their culture, their friends, their entire life as they know it...in exchange for a new country code. oh...and my personal favorite...a new engagement...probably a quick one (as most LDS engagements are)--so they will start a life and a family based on the two weeks they've known each other an the combined total of $300 in the savings account. you see, to every silver lining...there's also the rain cloud it envelopes. what do you think gives off that metallic glow? right...the gloomy rain against the brightness of the sun. and so it is with all life's fun little altercations, events, and experiences. every single one of them has the gloomy, dismal rain, but they all, too, have that bright, glowing silver lining. what we should all try to do a little more is to diminish that gloominess of our own situations by exacerbating the brightness of someone else's. we need to recognize that just as we are sitting there wondering why so and so has it so great, there's at least a handful more sitting there doing the same about us. life, in all it's glorious stages, is too beautiful to miss out on it. if we spend all our time well wishing...we waste all of our pennies by throwing them into a pit of water rather than saving them up for a better day and appreciating the sun that is above us this day, rather than the bottomless pit that will al be beneath us always. life will always be difficult, but if we allow it, it will always be full of joy and wonderment, as well. all in all....life is so, so good....and we should enjoy every bit of it.
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